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Just A Guy Muddling Through

how someone who was a pretty standard male became a caregiver and changed his life
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The Care Giver Experiences the Last Day of the First Year

May 14, 2019 llorton Leave a comment

This is the last day of the first year since Jackie’s death and I am amazed how my life has…

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The Woe of the Widow’s Children

April 18, 2019 Natalie Benek 1 Comment

Helpless or Hopeless? Apart from death, one of the worst pains to endure is seeing my children hurt, without any…

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The (Widow’s) Theory of Everything

February 28, 2019 Natalie Benek 1 Comment

Schrödinger’s Grief When death arrives, it does not hesitate. It emerges eager to take the ones we love, leaving only…

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The Widow Encounters The Old Astronomer

December 3, 2018 Natalie Benek Leave a comment

A Smile of Reassurance I’ve admired the blue Texas sky since I was a little girl. The most delightful and…

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The Caregiver Goes On – exchanges grief for the permanent sadness of loss

November 30, 2018 llorton 4 Comments

I never was afraid of grief or loss. After a long career in the military I had no illusions about…

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The Widow Embraces The Pain

October 14, 2018 Natalie Benek Leave a comment

A Familiar Place, an Unfamiliar State of Mind One year ago today, I woke up in Aaron’s childhood home. October…

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The Widow Acts on Unfinished Business

August 28, 2018 Natalie Benek 4 Comments

I remember waking Aaron up on August 5th with annoying words, gentle kisses, and not so gentle prods from my…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Big Bend, cremation, widowhood

The Caregiver Deals with Grief

August 26, 2018 llorton 13 Comments

While caring for my wife during the last 4 years of her life (she suffered from Primary Progressive Aphasia) I…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, BvFTD, care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, DLB, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, male caregiver, PPA, Primary Progressive Aphasia, stages of grief

Time and The Widow

July 6, 2018 Natalie Benek 9 Comments

I have always had an abnormal sleep schedule. This time last year, the infinite annoyances from my pregnancy hindered sleeping.…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: birthdays, grief, time, time and the widow, widowhood

The Care Giver Steps Through a Door

July 5, 2018 llorton 15 Comments

I found myself singing this morning. That wasn’t unusual in itself; years ago I had the unconscious habit, without obvious…

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The Care Giver Realizes He Is Two Persons

June 23, 2018 llorton 15 Comments

I am two people. Within days after May 8th of this year when my wife died, I began thinking of…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, male caregiver, Primary Progressive Aphasia, stages of grief, Vascular dementia

The Care Giver Responds to Memory

June 12, 2018 llorton 4 Comments

I don’t think I could be a columnist, putting out a column every day, I just don’t have that tenacity.…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, BvFTD, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, memory loss, Parkinson's disease, Primary Progressive Aphasia

The Caregiver Enters a New Phase

June 1, 2018 llorton 24 Comments

I have come into a new phase in my life, my attitude has been altered and I have very little…

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The Caregiver and the Final Days

May 6, 2018 llorton 19 Comments

We are clearly in the last days. She sleeps 95% of the time and when she does open her eyes,…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, care giving, caregiving, death, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal degeneration, FTD

The Caregiver agrees with Socrates

April 25, 2018 llorton 8 Comments

The Greek philosopher, Socrates, is held to be the originator of the statement that ‘the unexamined life is not worth…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: 5 stages of grief, Alzheimer's disease, care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, home, male caregiver, memory, PPA

The Caregiver is Forced to Consider the Future

April 19, 2018 llorton 3 Comments

Satchel Paige, the famous pitcher, said, ‘Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you.’ As a caregiver I try…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, DLB, end stage, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, male caregiver, memory, memory loss, Primary Progressive Aphasia, stage 7

The Caregiver Catches a Glimpse of the End

April 17, 2018 llorton 16 Comments

It is interesting to me that I experience emotions in a sort of physical or physiologic manner. The way my…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: care giving, caregiving, dementia, Frontotemporal degeneration, male caregiver, nursing, symptoms

Hospice brings a Kind of Peace to the Caregiver

March 28, 2018 llorton 5 Comments

It is ironic that, as my wife gets worse, as her disease progresses, my life becomes less time-stressed. This ‘new…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: Alzheimer's disease, care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, DLB, Frontotemporal degeneration, FTD, home, hospice, hospital, Parkinson's disease, placement, PPA, Primary Progressive Aphasia

The Caregiver Finds Something That He Will Remember

March 24, 2018 llorton 12 Comments

If you have ever been on a long plane ride, say more than 12 hours, inevitably you have prepared by…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: burial, caregiving, casket, cremation, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, DLB, Frontotemporal degeneration, grief, male caregiver, memory, memory loss, Parkinson's disease, PPA, Primary Progressive Aphasia

The Care Giver Is Reminded of the First Signs.

March 13, 2018 llorton 21 Comments

As my wife slept in her new bedroom, this week I began going through the almost four decades of paper…

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Posted in: Uncategorized Filed under: care giving, caregiving, dementia, Dementia with Lewy bodies, Frontotemporal degeneration, FTD, home, Parkinson's disease, Primary Progressive Aphasia, symptoms

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  • llorton@gmail.com
  • Columbia, MD
    a pleasant but semi-boring place to live

Recent Posts

  • The Care Giver Experiences the Last Day of the First Year May 14, 2019
  • The Woe of the Widow’s Children April 18, 2019
  • The (Widow’s) Theory of Everything February 28, 2019
  • The Widow Encounters The Old Astronomer December 3, 2018
  • The Caregiver Goes On – exchanges grief for the permanent sadness of loss November 30, 2018
  • The Widow Embraces The Pain October 14, 2018
  • The Widow Acts on Unfinished Business August 28, 2018
  • The Caregiver Deals with Grief August 26, 2018
  • Time and The Widow July 6, 2018
  • The Care Giver Steps Through a Door July 5, 2018
  • The Care Giver Realizes He Is Two Persons June 23, 2018
  • The Care Giver Responds to Memory June 12, 2018
  • The Caregiver Enters a New Phase June 1, 2018
  • The Caregiver and the Final Days May 6, 2018
  • The Caregiver agrees with Socrates April 25, 2018
  • The Caregiver is Forced to Consider the Future April 19, 2018
  • The Caregiver Catches a Glimpse of the End April 17, 2018
  • Hospice brings a Kind of Peace to the Caregiver March 28, 2018
  • The Caregiver Finds Something That He Will Remember March 24, 2018
  • The Care Giver Is Reminded of the First Signs. March 13, 2018
  • Sue and I at 7 Years March 11, 2018
  • Stress and the Caregiver March 2, 2018
  • A Care Giver and Forgiveness February 15, 2018
  • Extra portions of grief for the care givers. February 3, 2018
  • Strategy for a Care Giver’s Survival January 23, 2018
  • Running Away and Staying Close – a Care Giver’s Life December 14, 2017
  • A Day in Our Life November 27, 2017
  • The Interaction of Religious Beliefs and Care Giving November 24, 2017
  • The Beliefs of a Devout Christian Woman November 23, 2017
  • The Beliefs of a Devout Christan Man November 23, 2017
  • The Beliefs of a Quiet Christian November 23, 2017
  • The Thought of a Secular Jew November 23, 2017
  • An Anti-Theist Looks at Belief November 23, 2017
  • My Journey From Believer to Atheist November 23, 2017
  • Do Beliefs Support a Care Giver? November 13, 2017
  • Dementia, Abuse and Divorce – Part II October 28, 2017
  • Dementia, Abuse and Divorce – Part I October 28, 2017
  • Are Words, even Silly Words, As Damaging as Disease? October 26, 2017
  • A New Look at ‘Deathwatch while Laughing’ October 22, 2017
  • Looking For – and Finding Friends with Benefits October 6, 2017
  • Persons with Dementia and Their Absent Friends September 29, 2017
  • Going Into Care – a story of me and John September 22, 2017
  • Speech and Language Pathologists and a frustrating statement September 14, 2017
  • The Caregiver Learns a New Lesson August 30, 2017
  • The Brain Does Not Always Comprehend What The Eyes See. August 23, 2017
  • Male Care Givers Are Different – but only on the surface August 15, 2017
  • The Damage Friends Do – secret hurts to caregivers August 8, 2017
  • Synchronicity July 27, 2017
  • Not the beginning of my caregiving experience but it is my first public blogging July 25, 2017
  • Back Home being a Caregiver again. January 8, 2017
  • A Caretaker Brings His Loved One Home December 22, 2016
  • A Caregiver Gives Over Care to a Hospital December 18, 2016
  • A Caregiver Learns to Understand the Incomprehensible December 6, 2016
  • A Caregiver Must Step Away From Pain December 4, 2016
  • A Caregiver Searches for a Finite Answer and Relief with the Expression of Grief. November 30, 2016
  • Things a Caregiver Learned About Life November 20, 2016
  • A Caregiver Dreams of a Possible Future November 17, 2016
  • A Caregiver Realizes The Subtle Things That Are Lost November 14, 2016
  • A Caregiver Remembers Smoothing the Blanket Over His Children November 10, 2016
  • A Caregiver Celebrates His Birthday November 3, 2016
  • A Caregiver Sees What It Means to Have things Really Tough October 15, 2016
  • The first thing a caregiver wants to know October 10, 2016
  • the value for a caregiver of support groups and keeping a journal October 1, 2016
  • A Caregiver learns from Encarcerated Men September 25, 2016
  • Epiphany #2 in Caregiving September 22, 2016
  • The Loss of System 1 Thinking September 17, 2016
  • I Spend My Life Waiting – Impatiently September 5, 2016
  • Nothing Important, Just the Usual Going Downhill Crap September 1, 2016
  • To the people in the FB Support Groups September 1, 2016
  • Behaving Badly August 7, 2016
  • Sitting in Dunkin Donuts August 2, 2016
  • There may not be treatment for the patient but there is for the caregiver. July 15, 2016
  • Nighttime Thoughts July 10, 2016
  • Deathwatch while laughing July 5, 2016
  • Why do Buddhists Pray? – notes from a non-theist foxhole. July 2, 2016
  • Five Stages of This and Three Parts of that July 1, 2016
  • My good friend, my lawyer June 20, 2016
  • Stages Basically Suck June 18, 2016
  • A Little Ounce of Humanity June 15, 2016
  • Introspection Sometimes Hurts June 12, 2016
  • Adventures in Learning June 12, 2016
  • Trying to keep track of what is happening May 26, 2016
  • Epiphany Number Two September 22, 2015

Thanks For reading

Thanks for reading. I would appreciate any comments or if you mention this log to any of your friends or relatives who might benefit from reading one man’s perspective.

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