It was always my opinion that couples without children didn’t have that certain little ounce of humanity and understanding that comes with having responsibility yet not total control.
Yes, I could never understand how people with handicapped children said that having that child made their life better.
There was a disconnect in my understanding; I didn’t yet make that connection that dealing with adversity gives a person a chance to be a better human, and realization of one’s own improvement is a great ans wonderful feeling.
While I would clearly much rather my wife be completely healthy – and being her caregiver will never be an unblemished treat – doing what I can for her has made me be a better person. I have restrained my usual crankiness because I know she doesn’t mean to be the PITA she sometimes is. I have become much more patient and now even laugh at the struggles we have with trivial things.
(This week, she insisted on struggling through making up a Peapod list – that’s a delivery service from the Giant chain of supermarkets – and it took her about 16 hours to get the list together. Then she couldn’t figure out how to delete to items and pay. It took us over 40 minutes as I coached her through the checkout procedure. When we were finished I told her how that proved that I loved her because, if I didn’t, I would have been packed and out the door.
We both laughed and then got into bed where I read and she watched tv)
Yes, this entire situation sucks but its no use thinking its not fair. Mother Nature (Biology, chemistry, physics and chance combined) doesn’t know fair.
So I try to make the best of what things are, hope for good days, hope that things work out well but try to be prepared for things to work out however they will.
Dealing with adversity is good exercise for my soul.